The Randalls

Tag: love

  • Love Built on Trust: Rebuilding the Foundations of Our Relationship

    Love Built on Trust: Rebuilding the Foundations of Our Relationship

    One night, Katrina and I found ourselves in the middle of one of those arguments. You know, the kind where you’re trying to clean the house and fold laundry, but the tension between you makes it almost impossible to focus on anything else. As we went through the motions, Katrina, sitting on the floor in the doorway to our closet, said something that pierced me straight to the core: “Robby, I can’t trust you.” (This article is part of the Building A Healthy Family Culture series – Read part 1 here).

    At that moment, time seemed to freeze. We were nine years into marriage, and I had always thought we had a pretty solid relationship. What was happening? How had we reached this point?

    Trust: The Core of Every Great Relationship

    In 2014, our church went through a series of books by Patrick Lencioni, a leadership expert and author of several business books, that outline a framework for building a healthy team culture. His insights have shaped the way I view relationships, particularly in ministry and marriage. One key concept he emphasizes is that every great team is built on a foundation of trust. Whether in a nonprofit, a sports team, or a corporate setting, trust enables teams to go further, faster. The same is true in marriage—trust is the foundation on which everything else is built. Without it, deep connection, understanding, and fulfillment become much harder to achieve. 

    But here’s the catch: trust doesn’t just happen. It takes intentional effort to build, and even more effort to rebuild when it’s broken.

    Building Trust: The Core of Healthy Conflict

    When trust is strong, it creates a safe space for deep connection and courageous conversations. But when trust fractures, even the most constructive conversations can slip into unhealthy conflict. God uses marriage, and all relationships, to grow us and form Christ in us. If the foundation of trust is not secure, it becomes harder to navigate issues that arise in a healthy way.

    I’ve written before about the importance of staying away from “false harmony” (Lencioni’s term), and how it can mask underlying issues. It’s easy to pretend everything is fine, but without trust, this facade can quickly crumble when conflict arises. Healthy conflict is not about avoiding tough conversations, but about addressing them with honesty, vulnerability, and respect. This is the trust we need to rebuild.

    The Sobering Reality: Trust Will Be Broken

    Here’s the sobering truth: trust will be broken at some point in every relationship. You may not face a “level 10 betrayal,” but as long as you’re two humans full of flesh and pride, there will be moments where trust is fractured. And that’s okay—as long as you don’t leave it unattended.

    The key is how you respond. Are you willing to face the hurt, address the issue, and work through it together? Trust is a living, breathing thing—it requires constant care and attention.

    Evaluating Trust: Are There Fractures?

    One of the ways to evaluate the health of your trust is to ask: What areas in our relationship are we anxious about having conversations? These are often the areas where trust has been broken or left unaddressed.

    During that argument with Katrina, when she said, “I can’t trust you,” something shifted in me. Out of nowhere (completely by the grace of God), I said, “Well, I guess we’ll just have to build trust then!” I didn’t know exactly what I was committing to, but I felt a resolve in my heart that we needed to rebuild. When I said yes, I had no idea what I was truly getting myself into.

    Rebuilding Trust: Our Journey

    For the next three months, Katrina and I dedicated ourselves to building trust from the ground up. We started by identifying every area where we felt hesitant to talk about. We made a list of nine areas—parenting, finances, sex, housekeeping, and more. Some of those areas felt discouraging to acknowledge. How had we arrived at this point? But we were determined to rebuild, and that was the first step toward healing.

    Through countless honest and vulnerable conversations, we slowly began to rebuild. Many of these talks were painful, as I had to face how my actions—or lack of action—had fractured the foundation of our relationship. Some of these conversations were filled with tears, but each one demanded our fierce commitment to humility and radical ownership. 

    Over time, our foundation grew stronger. We realized that rebuilding trust isn’t just about fixing specific issues; it’s about fostering a new level of transparency, vulnerability, and mutual respect.

    Moving Forward: The Power of Trust

    Today, our marriage is stronger because we’ve taken the time to rebuild trust. It didn’t happen overnight, and it took intentional effort. But that effort has allowed us to engage in healthier, more honest conversations. We’re better equipped to navigate conflicts with grace, knowing that we have each other’s backs and that trust is at the center of it all.

    Trust, like any core principle, needs constant care. It can’t be taken for granted. But when you intentionally nurture it, it becomes the foundation of everything else in your relationship. And when trust is strong, everything else becomes easier—communication, connection, and even conflict become more manageable.

    If you’re facing fractures in your own core of trust, know that it’s possible to rebuild. It starts with a willingness to acknowledge the issues, have those difficult conversations, and commit to the process of healing. Trust can be restored, and when it is, the depth of your relationship will grow stronger than ever.

    The core of trust is essential for a thriving relationship, whether in marriage, friendships, or any other connection. It takes effort to build, and it requires even more effort to rebuild when broken. But with patience, intentionality, and grace, you can restore trust and create a foundation that supports deep connection, meaningful conversations, and healthy conflict. Trust is not a one-time thing—it’s a continuous journey that, when nurtured, leads to stronger, more fulfilling relationships.

    Prayer: Lord, please give me discernment to recognize where trust may be broken in my relationships. Grant me the courage to have open and honest conversations, and help me face the painful truths with humility, vulnerability, and a deep commitment to rebuilding trust. Restore what has been fractured by Your grace, and may Your love be the foundation that guides me toward deeper connection, honesty, and mutual respect. In Jesus’ name, we pray. Amen.

    (Possible next step: Katrina and I put together a FREE downloadable guide to rebuilding trust that you can check out here) 

  • Building a Healthy Family Culture: The Power of Intentionality

    Building a Healthy Family Culture: The Power of Intentionality

    Have you ever walked into someone’s home and immediately felt something intangible—the warmth, the unity, the sense of belonging? 

    I know I have! I remember when Katrina and I first started having kids, we visited a family from our church. As we walked into their home, they were just finishing a family prayer time. Though their children were young, it was clear that each of them had a deep reverence for the Lord and for prayer. They said “Amen” and warmly welcomed us in.

    Throughout the evening, we observed the rich culture of their family. Their two young sons responded to me with a respectful “yes, sir” each time we spoke. Their daughters attentively engaged with our kids, allowing the adults to connect. At dinner, they held hands, prayed together, and then sang a beautiful song of worship and gratitude. Katrina and I were in awe.

    This type of family culture does not happen by accident. It’s the result of a family culture that has been cultivated over time, either intentionally or passively. Every home has a culture, whether you realize it or not. The question is: Are you shaping yours with purpose, or are you letting it form by default?

    This blog is the first in a series on Building a Healthy Family Culture. In this post, we’re starting with the foundation: Intentionality.

    A Family Culture is a Combination of What You Make Happen and What You Allow to Happen

    Family culture isn’t built overnight. It’s the result of small, consistent decisions—what you prioritize, how you handle conflict, the tone of your conversations, and even the rhythms of daily life. Some of these elements are things you deliberately set in motion, while others creep in simply because they weren’t actively addressed.

    For example, if you make a habit of eating dinner together, having deep conversations, and praying as a family, you’re intentionally shaping a culture of connection and faith. On the other hand, if screen time slowly takes over family interactions, or if busyness keeps everyone moving in different directions, a culture of disconnection forms—whether you meant for it to or not.

    Your family culture is happening right now. The question is: Is it forming into the culture that you want?

    The Danger of Passivity

    The truth is, if you’re not actively building your family culture, something else is doing it for you—whether it’s external influences like media and peers or simply the natural drift of life’s demands. Without intention, it’s easy to fall into patterns that don’t align with your values.

    • Maybe conflict in your home tends to escalate rather than resolve, and that pattern is becoming the norm.
    • Maybe gratitude isn’t modeled often, and complaining has taken root.
    • Maybe busyness has replaced quality time, and relationships feel distant.

    Passivity isn’t neutral—it’s the open door through which unhealthy patterns enter and take residence. The good news? A culture left to chance can be reshaped through intentional effort.

    Considering the Long-Term Outcomes

    It’s easy to get caught up in the immediate chaos of parenting—the endless laundry, the sibling squabbles, the looming deadlines. But family culture isn’t just about today. It’s about the legacy you’re building.

    Take a step back and ask:

    • What kind of adults do I want my children to become?
    • What memories do I want them to carry from their childhood?
    • What values do I want deeply rooted in our home?

    Your answers to these questions should shape how you parent today. Yes, the stresses of the moment are real, but when you zoom out to the bigger picture, you’ll realize that every decision—how you discipline, how you speak to one another, how you spend your time—is contributing to the family culture that will define your children’s upbringing.

    Defining the Objective of Family

    If you want to be intentional about your family culture, you need to define what you’re aiming for. A vague sense of “wanting a good family” isn’t enough. What does a healthy family culture look like for you?

    Here are three key objectives worth considering:

    Offering God a Pleasant Aroma

    In Scripture, we see the idea of our lives being a “fragrant offering” to God (2 Corinthians 2:15, Ephesians 5:2). This applies to families as well. When our homes reflect love, peace, forgiveness, and faithfulness, they become a place where God is honored—not just in name, but in daily reality.

    Does your home reflect His presence? Do your interactions point your children toward Him? A family culture that prioritizes God isn’t perfect, but the way we build it—through love, grace, and faith—becomes a fragrant offering to Him. When we seek Him in both our successes and struggles, our home becomes a place where His presence is not just acknowledged, but welcomed. 

    The way we live and the culture we cultivate in our homes can rise like a sweet aroma to the Lord, bringing Him joy. Building an intentional family culture around Gospel-centered principles isn’t just beneficial for our children—it is an act of worship that pleases God.

    Long-Term Connection

    The relationships within a family should be built to last. It’s easy to assume that just because you live together now, you’ll stay connected forever—but relationships require ongoing investment.

    How do you cultivate long-term connection? (This isn’t an exhaustive list, but these are some topics. I’ll be writing about in this series)

    • Open and Vulnerable Hearts: A thriving family culture begins with hearts willing to be seen, known, and loved without fear of rejection.
    • Love Built on Foundations of Trust: Genuine love flourishes when trust is consistently nurtured through honesty, reliability, and faithfulness.
    • Love & Order: Kids cannot run a family, and parents are not meant to be cold-hearted dictators. A healthy family thrives when mutual love and respect are paired with Godly order, where parents lead with selfless love while teaching children to respect authority. This balance creates a strong family culture that nurtures growth and allows both parents and children to flourish.

    • Confession and Repentance: A healthy home embraces humility, where admitting wrongs and seeking forgiveness restores relationships and reflects God’s grace.
    • Courageous Conversations: True connection is built through honest, grace-filled discussions that address challenges, deepen understanding, and strengthen bonds.

    • Discipleship Through Family Rhythms: Building a family culture is all about discipleship. The Holy Spirit is trying to form Christ and us as parents and in our children. This can happen in isolated moments, but it has exponential power when we we spiritual practices into our family culture. 

    The goal isn’t just to raise children who respect you as parents, but to foster lifelong relationships where love, trust, and genuine friendship remain long after they leave home.

    Empowering Kids to Be Successful Adults

    Parenting is ultimately about preparing children for the world beyond your home. Success isn’t just about academics or career paths—it’s about character, responsibility, and emotional resilience. Your children won’t stay under your roof forever, but the culture you create now will shape the kind of people they become. The daily habits, values, and relationships they experience in your home will serve as a foundation for how they navigate life’s challenges. By intentionally building a home centered on faith, love, and wisdom, you equip them to thrive long after they leave.

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